The closest I’ve come to solo travel was when I hopped a plane in 1996, when I was 20 years old. I’d just dropped out of college and was on my way from Vancouver to Mexico. It was Christmas Eve and the flight was cheap.
I’d landed a job as an animador — an occupation that essentially entails playing with hotel guests in the swimming pool — in an all-inclusive resort in San Jose del Cabo, about a 30 minute drive south of the more famous resort town of Cabo San Lucas. “Landing” the job was easy; my older brother was my boss.
It was a 6-month gig and I didn’t even need to speak Spanish. Which worked out well because I couldn’t. Still can’t. I was picked up from the airport and driven to the hotel where the familiarity of family awaited me.
The path ahead
Hardly solo travel.
I returned to Vancouver after the six months were up, went back to school, then got a job. It was another seven years before I would travel again but still, never alone.
I met my wife in 2004, in the summer. Summertime, I think, is the season for bonding. That is, at least, if you like the outdoors. We bonded over walks along the ocean, hikes in the mountains, and just general summertime carousing. We grew very close, despite the big differences in our personalities. She has the fire of a Cancer (and a German); me, the calmness of a Capricorn (and a Canadian). I like to think that we cancel out each others deficiencies — that the sum of us is greater than the individual parts, as they say. She would probably disagree, but hey, that’s part of her charm.
We began to travel. A lot. And in close quarters. We lived in a campervan for months at a time in Europe. We shared tiny kupe berths for days at a time on Trans-Siberian trains. We never left each others sides until we landed in Melbourne and got day jobs. And even still, we spent most non-working hours together.
Two years after arriving, we departed Melbourne. Six months later, we’ve been living in New York for almost 12 weeks after cycling around Cuba for five, enjoying Vancouver for four, and trotting around Oaxaca, Mexico for three. The stresses of being around each other so much for the past several years is clearly straining our relationship. There is only one thing to do: travel apart.
So we’ve decided to do just that. We’re giving ourselves a month to start, and just see how that goes. Neither of us has much experience in solo travel, but I suspect Yvonne will do quite well, seeing as how she currently plans and organizes pretty much everything. She truly is the woman behind the man. I, on the other hand, am a much bigger question mark.
If it’s one thing I’ve learned in my past travels, it’s that things always work out. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. But bottom line, we haven’t died. We survive. That’s what we do, and no matter how unprepared or uncertain we are, we manage to get by. It might take more money than anticipated, more time, more uncomfortableness, but we always emerge on the other side relatively unscathed. And we always learn a lesson.
So I’m quite confident that I will survive this time on my own. I have to. The only alternative is to die, and I’m not ready for that.
What I think I’m terrified about, is being away from Yvonne for so long. That and the prospect of what lies on the other side of this time apart. What will this do to her? What will it do to me? What will it do to us? Just like traveling to a new country, this is unchartered territory for us. Only, we don’t have a guidebook to help plan.
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It’s funny…although I’ve technically traveled solo abroad, I have always met up with a friend along the way. Either they live in the place I’m visiting, or we meet up. So, here’s another travel writer who, with the exception of traveling around the US, has not traveled alone, either. And the idea kinda terrifies me too.
You will no doubt learn so much about yourself, your strengths, how you will build yourself up from your weaknesses, and will survive it all with great stories to tell. That’s not to say that while you are “in it” it’ll always be easy or fun, but it will certainly deepen your sense of self.
Keep us updated on your adventures!
Thanks Christine. You know I will!
Carlo, your honesty here is inspiring. Great to read this.
I’d be scared in your shoes. But voyeuring as I am, I’m just excited. For both of you. It takes guts to do something like this, and I have no doubt you and Yvonne will be stronger people (both apart and together) for it.
Thanks Hal. Appreciate it. Who knows, maybe I will hook up with you guys on the road! Life is too unpredictable.
Always welcome, dude. The West is fracking gorgeous, I always forget just how much. In Santa Fe right now, Arizona/Utah tomorrow!
It’s interesting, I think I’ve actually done my most daring travel alone. It’s liberating in the extreme: you can go at your own pace, do whatever you want, and feel free to completely change direction at whim.
And to be honest, the idea of “solo travel” is kind of unrealistic. Unless you’re planning on vacationing alone in the woods or on the polar icecap, you’ll constantly be around people – other travelers, people who give you directions, seatmates, waiters and waitresses…one of the great things about going it alone is that it drives you to get to know the people around you. It does get lonely, especially at first. But I just know you’ll love it once you’ve eased into it
I can’t fathom why you’d be in the Midwest, but give me a call if you come to Chicago, I’d be thrilled to show you around.
Thanks for the offer Adam! But yeah, pretty sure I won’t be anywhere near there
Plans are to head to Atlantic Canada. Have been wanting to go there for a long time.
Christine said it best, “You will no doubt learn so much about yourself, your strengths, how you will build yourself up from your weaknesses, and will survive it all with great stories to tell.”
Taking time apart from a spouse to travel solo is no doubt stressful and you will most definitely miss her the first few days/week or two, but you will be stronger for it.
In other words, you need to fully know who Carlo truly is without Yvonne, and what he’s capable of.
Have a fantastic time in Thailand!
L
Interesting post, Carlo. I think the first time you travel solo always feels like a leap, but a lot of people are surprised at how quickly they adapt. For me, the trick is not to overthink. You will come back with so many stories and memories that you can’t go wrong. I’m a big solo traveller and your post inspired me to share some tips. I’m keen to know how you get on so I’ll await your follow-up posts.
http://www.goinglocaltravel.com/2010/07/09/tips-on-travelling-solo/
Thanks Vicky! Yeah, the overthinking part…I’m an overthinker. It’s a curse
Off to check your post…
And thanks Lola! Since leaving I’ve had no time to think since I’ve been so busy on this press trip in Thailand. I think this is a good transition to really being on my own when I head to Nova Scotia after this. And I know you guys are right, we’ll both be better for it, no matter what happens.
I hope you’re enjoying your first solo adventure in Thailand. I, too, am scared to travel solo, but every time I do and survive, the experiences end up being some of the most liberating, most memorable of all my travels.
Thanks JoAnna! Having a grand time here, but I wouldn’t call this solo travel. The true test is when I head to Halifax when I get back!
Carlo – Great post. I’m the opposite of you in that most of my true adventures have been solo (not that they were that many). As a photographer, you will experience more freedom alone. When I feel insecure, I use the camera to help me see things in a different way – and when I’m with someone, I feel like I’m the dog they’re taking for a walk, having to stop every five minutes to shoot.
It will be hard at first, no doubt, but you’re good company and you’re sure to discover that soon (if you haven’t already).
Thanks for that Kate. I know I’ll relish being able to do exactly what I want, whenever I want and not have to worry about who I’m holding up. For example, stopping to watch buskers is something I like to do but Yvonne not so much, so to just be able to do that without any worries is great. Life is about compromises and everything has its pros and cons. It’s all a matter of your priorities.
Brilliant confession! This strikes a real chord with me too. Possibly the best travel experience I had was my first trip alone to Paris. I was dreading it before I went, but when I got there it put me in a bizarre state of sleepless overexcitement and a compulsion to walk the streets much more than I would normally do.
Jools
Hey Carlo,
Seems that I’m just catching on to your situ here and your post provides absolute clarity…hopefully you’ll find that, if anything, in your solo travels – clarity. In my early travelling days (age 16 – Europe for one year) I travelled alone frequently…navigating the trains, staying alone in hostels, meeting people of all ages and levels of trustworthiness, and spending many evenings dining solo. I loved it. Strangely, now that I’m almost 31 and supposedly an ‘adult’ and more ‘independent’, I rarely travel alone. In fact, the last time I set out to travel solo was when I was 27 and set off for London. First day there, I met Damien…you know the guy, he’s my husband now. When I think back on being a teenager and travelling by myself I wonder how I even did it or even got away with it! I really miss the freedom of travelling alone, though. There’s nothing like making your own way through the day and finishing with a sense of personal accomplishment. It’s difficult to spend too much time with any person even if you absolutely adore them. If Damien and I were ever to take on the kind of journey that you and Yvonne have set out to do, there is NO DOUBT in my mind that we would need solo time. Everyone needs space to breathe, eh? Happy travels mate.
Thanks for the comment Jools! And Erin…ah, Erin! Glad you came to visit. You all need to know how much your words mean to me. So thanks again everyone!
It’s my last night in Thailand before heading back and starting the “real” journey. The past week I’ve been pampered in Bangkok and Chiang Mai (on a TAT press trip) and hanging with 3 super cool bloggers, so I have yet to really be alone and fend for myself. Let the games begin!
A month is a great amount of time. The first week can be rough but then I find you become friendlier, more outgoing and meet more people. I’m approaching month 4 now and I’m really enjoying it.
Carlos, being alone is a discovery of self. I didn’t think I could do it either, but what I discovered was that being without a partner to travel with is NOT being alone. It’s getting to make all the decisions by your self–and that can be liberating, and really scary!
And then when you come together wiht your partner, think of how MUCH you are going to be able to share!
You guys are sweet. Thanks!
Hi Carlo,
Haha, I’m the opposite of you — I’m scared to travel with people! I have spent so much time traveling by myself in India and I love it. It forces you to engage with people locally, to really get to know the place and also to really get to know yourself. You may end up like me, and love traveling alone.
Thanks Mariellen! So glad we got to meet up today in Toronto. I can definitely see the pros to both types of travel. Each carries a compromise I think. Just depends on what your priorities are at the time.