Brave New Traveler co-editor Christine Garvin asks the question, “do we need alcohol to connect on the road?”, in a recent post at BNT. I thought I’d drop a quick comment, but the more I thought about it, the more complex I made it. Well, it’s not that I made it complex, it is complex.
Youthful days gone by
So I thought I’d ruminate on it here. As a disclaimer, I’ll start by saying that I drink. Not nearly as much as I did in my twenties, but at times I will use it as a social lubricant. It greases up the wheels of a gathering (especially Karaoke) and yes, it’s hard to imagine that some of the funnest times in my life could have happened without alcohol.
But what does this mean? As true as that statement is, I find it a bit sad. Because the reality is that we’ve grown up in a culture which suppresses us so much — encourages us to hide our feelings and emotions — that it is sometimes necessary to turn to the bottle to honestly express ourselves. For many parts of the world, the culture expects you to drink. Otherwise, why would you like beer? Let’s be honest, beer is not inherently good-tasting. I love beer, but I’ve grown to love beer. I wasn’t enraptured with it after my first sip, and I’ll bet you weren’t either. But you made yourself love it, to the point where you actually do love it.
Is that a cop-out? Blaming “society”? Sort of, but you can’t deny that we are a product of the environment we grow up in, so in that sense, it’s the ultimate truth. There are, of course, the chosen few who, for one reason or another, are completely able to open themselves up without the aid of alcohol. Kudos to you.
Alcohol is the great disinhibitor. For as many positive outcomes from drinking, there are likely just as many, if not more, negative outcomes, one of which I discussed in my article, Melbourne Violence: Is Booze to Blame?
Getting to the point though, to connect with travelers on the road, or even to connect with people at home, alcohol can be necessary at times, only because it is the context in which many of the people you are likely to meet are found in. You can choose to not play any part in that, but by doing so you are probably limiting yourself. Do you care though? That’s another question.
Ideally, none of us should have to rely upon booze to let down our guards, but until I can confront my demons and conquer them, I’ll be the confident drunk that’s easier to connect with.
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Carlo, I feel like I could have authored the exact same post–right there with you, man. Yes, I find it beneficial at times, and yes, that’s kinda sad. And uh-huh, I LOVE beer. Oh man I love it.
I dunno. Carlos. I can’t drink anymore. It’s been more than 4 years now. I also know that forming true friendships is not something that happens every day with or without alcohol (though for me it was less with alcohol).
Whatever works for you!
I was a little surprised by how much malice this article sparked from the anti-drinkers. It also made me think about about whether or not I could actually socialize and make friends while being sober, and for awhile I doubted myself. The answer is of course, “yes”, otherwise I wouldn’t have met people through classes, work, etc. But alcohol does help, and that’s just a plain fact. I think it really only becomes a problem when it’s the ONLY way you can interact with people, but that’s a whole different level that really has nothing to do with drinking for fun.
And drinking is a super-ingrained “cultural” aspect of being a Newfoundlander, to the point where we boast about it proudly. People either call us “stupid Newfies” or we’re admired for our jolly, good-natured attitudes. All a matter of perspective.
Hah. Actually, the only worthwhile thing I have to say about this whole issue is…drink responsibly!
Hey Carlo,
Thanks for writing about your experience. Currently, I am having a glass of wine after day 4 on the road!
I do agree that many, many (most?) cultures throughout the world have a particular alcohol that is deeply ingrained in their heritage. I used to think we drank a lot in the US until I studied abroad in Florence. And visited Germany (I mean, for chrissakes, it’s in my DNA!). And really, using substances to connect goes beyond alcohol, from drugs on one end of the spectrum to coffee and cake on the other end (yes, caffeine and sugar affect the way we act and lubricate social situations).
I don’t think drinking alcohol, caffeine, eating sugar or even doing drugs are in and of themselves bad things. But as I mentioned in the comments of my piece, I was forced to abstain from all of these things for about 4-5 years in my early 20s, certainly one of the hardest times in life to try and accomplish this type of feat (at least for my personality type). But it taught me a lot about myself, what I was hiding, the people I thought were the best of friends, and issues of confidence that I was not truly confronting. Like anything and everything, it is about the why and not the what. So each of us has to define for ourselves what is happening, and if and when alcohol takes the front seat in connecting, being, and living.
Moment enhancers, not crutches or something we need every moment, is hopefully what most of us are shooting for.
Thanks for the comments y’all! I was pretty irritated at some of the responses on the article, particularly the one that said “If you need to drink to meet people then maybe you should get some help.” There’s certainly a holier-than-thou attitude that some abstainers like to take on towards those who enjoy a tipple now and again (I do believe that is the first time I used the word ‘tipple’ before – I like it!).
Dear god I am SO glad you brought that up, because I was actually infuriated when I read that comment. Such an unnecessary condescending attitude…I certainly don’t look down on others for abstaining…to each their own. Tipple! New favorite word.
Like you guys said–more than anything, I was surprised by the intensity of people´s responses, the urge to condemn or celebrate drinking. I´ve never drank while traveling, so it´s all a bit foreign to me. I thought about this for a long time and thought I´d have more to say about it, but was surprised that I didn´t. So, like any good blogger, I wrote a post about it: http://lonelygirltravels.com/2009/10/17/no-port-in-porto/
Drinking has definitely enhanced my experience on the road, my happiness improves when I indulge a bit, as does my social interaction. Do I need it? No. Does it make things better? Yes. Therefore it’s going to take quite an argument to stop me.
So I’m with you on this Carlo!